PMS I Love You

PMS Rampage

1. The Subway “eat fresh” commercials with friggen Jarred.
2. Getting stuck behind a driver doing 20 in a 55mph.
3. Figuring out the multiple TV remotes.
4. Vin Diesel movies.
5. Waiting on hold and the whole on hold infomercial thing.
6. Check writers in checkout lines
7. Smiling when she is yelling at you.
8. Frowning when she is yelling at you.
9. Texting when she is yelling at you.
10. Existing when she is yelling at you.

Add your own below!

This plate strikes fear into men at a range of 200 yards.

What on this good earth makes this an attractive plate to get!? What is it? The migraine headaches? The cramps? The bloating? The unnatural craving to pour chocolate syrup in your orange juice? The urge cry during Kodak commercials (this one always gets me)? Sounds great. Sign me up.

Really, it’s quite a clever plate. You instill fear in the hearts of all drivers you pass, and I know I would be scared to cut you off in traffic. Particularly, because I am fearful that you keep a supply of large rocks in your van, so you can hurl them at what you think are bad drivers.

Credit to http://horriblelicenseplates.blogspot.com for the article.

Menopause Calendar

This is not a joke… Let me say that up front. Menopause sucks. And it seems like it never ends, like men trying to sit through MammaMia and pretending to like it, especially when Pierce Brosnan sings.

With that said,  it is time to talk about making the most out of this time in your wife’s life. What, you say, this blog is for men, you should be telling me how to survive this. Well that is the whole point. We love our wives, even when they are crazy like bees are buzzing around in their skulls. We love em right… RIGHT?

With PMS you only have to be on guard 3-5 days per month, with menopause it is the exact apposite. You need to be on watch for the good 3-5 days per month.

Be ready with a “Fun Package” ready to go. So here is how it works.

You come home and check in. If the house is picked up and the kids are playing in their rooms, there is a glimmer of hope. Now you say hi to the wifey and she smiles and says hi back. BINGO… Break out champagne..

Fun Packages can be anything she loves to do with YOU.

• Dinner and a movie.
• Walk with the dog in the park
• Go shopping.
• Go to the local martini bar.
• Take a drive and talk.
• Rent MammaMia (just kidding)

The point here is DO NOT DO WHAT YOU ORIGINALLY PLANNED. The bills can wait, the painting can wait, the chores can wait. YOU HAVE AN NON MENOPAUSAL MOMENT….. Take advantage and get out and enjoy your wife and kids. These moments are precious and awesome. You will recall all the reasons you love your wife.. You will forget all the problems that menopause has caused lately. And for that moment you and your wife will be happy.

And who knows you may get a little nooky. After all men, isn’t that what truly drives us?